Life, Love & Laughter

I have come across 2 different websites which I have fallen in love with. The first being The Shape of a Mother and the second is This is a Woman. I go through and read all the stories of different women and their self image issues and how they have conquered them or are trying to overcome them. Makes me think of myself and my own issues I have with my own body image.

I like to think I am perfectly fine being at the weight I am and on the outside it does look like I am totally comfortable in my own skin. When I am around my friends I find myself telling them how I don't care what I look like anymore. Which on the one hand is true and on the other hand it's my own little lie, trying to make myself feel better and to convince myself that I am fine.

I am tired of worrying over how big I am and how I look. I am tired of wondering what people think of me. When I am shopping for clothes, I am tired of feeling so self conscious and worrying about how this shirt will look on me and if I can even find it in my size. All this worry is exhausting and makes me want to just stay inside my house.

When I am pregnant, I love my body. I love how I look and feel. I am so confident in myself and comfortable in my own skin. So for 9 months I don't worry anymore, I go into a store confidently looking for my size and I usually find it because during pregnancy I loose weight. With my first I lost about 30 pounds and my second I lost almost 45 pounds. Postpartum hits and my confidence high has ended, I gain all that weight back and then some I am right back to where I started pre-pregnancy. I want to be that confident everyday, not just during pregnancies.

Then I read blogs like this one and this one and I am jealous at how easy it all sounds to just accept what I look like and who I am. I am so worried that I am going to pass down my body issues to my daughter. To quote a blog I read once "I shall attempt to not pass down my own messed up body issues to my daughter. She deserves a mother who loves and respects herself; stretch marks, cellulite and all." She needs a mom to show her to be confident in herself and her body.

I don't know a lot of things, but one of the things I do know is, I am going to try to accept me for who I am and what I look like. I am going to tell myself I am a beautiful, smart, kind, gentle and a loving person and mother and hopefully, just maybe, one of these days I will love my body. I will love how I look and feel and when I walk into a department store, I shall go in confidently. I will remind myself that I was made in Gods perfect image and He wants me to be happy and confident in who I am. So I am going to try to accept my body for myself, my daughter and for God. This is only just the beginning.